Hello my soulmates
I hope your day was good, today for the rest of my testimony, I wanted to talk to you about Lazarus. A man who lived in Bethany 2000 years ago with his two sisters, Marie and Marthe. But one day he was ill. And his sisters went to send emissaries, seek Jesus and tell him of his friend's state of health while waiting for a solution from him.
Jesus very calm and very sure of him and by his God said: "This disease will not lead to death but it will serve the glory of God so that through it, the glory of the son is revealed."
History will tell us later that he will arrive four days after his death, having been buried and placed in the tomb. Had Jesus lied? Surely not but despite the doubts and reproaches of his two sisters, he will not let himself be influenced. Moved with compassion by the death of his friend, he took a moment to recover and shed some tears.
Then the unthinkable happens.
In a loud voice, he proclaimed, "Lazarus go out!" Stupor and trembling in the audience.
As usual defying all earthly laws. Lazarus obeys without flinching at the divine injunction! He came out of the tomb, his hands and feet shackled by bandages and his face wrapped in a cloth. Jesus told the audience to detach him and let him go.
What surprises me in this story is the calmness and assurance of Jesus even when things do not turn in his favor, even when it is too late, his faith remained intact. He did not worry, he did not stress. Like us, humans. The external events did not disturb him, until the divine justice breaks out.
He was so sure of his God that he even dared to assert that this situation was for the glory of God.
"It is in peace and confidence that your strength will be," says the Bible
Never in my illness, despite the dangers that awaited me, I trembled. Even though the support of my family and the medical profession has been crucial. I was serene, sometimes passive but I clung to God because he was my only support.
I learned a lot in these moments, I learned that I had incredible strength of character. I felt inferior to many things in my life and especially my physical.
Before my illness, I was in a era where I could not go out without makeup or wigs because I felt invisible and I needed that to feel valid.
I do not say that today I have learned all the lessons that this disease had taught me, but at that time I felt invincible and my mind had gone beyond all physical considerations.
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is accomplished in weakness," says the Lord.
It is when I am weak that God manifests himself. It's when I'm weak, that I'm really powerful.
Even bald, pale complexion and thin face, I remained who I was, the eyes of others did not matter to me. I no longer had to please or not to please anyone.
These months have been times in which I have set myself apart and separated from any source that might be negative. I isolated myself in my bubble (something I still practice today) and meditated on my life.
I reflected on my low self-esteem, and on everything that had driven me to destroy myself and put my life in danger.
The fact of having felt sometimes delivered to myself or the fact that I could look for years, a hand stretched in the fog to be able to advance in life.
So I shut myself up, I keep everything for myself so as not to annoy the others with my problems that do not seem to find a solution.
Exhausted by a gospel of prosperity that made me depressed, crushed by my daily life, I have been where I am for a long time and all these speeches sound hollow . I have been in church for a long time Sunday after Sunday but I feel lonely. So failing to make the strong woman.
I smiled.
Smile to hide, smile but in my head, I was elsewhere. I was nice, I was pretty, a little utopian, I had talent but nothing visible, so people do not care. So I tried to comply. But it's not enough, I do not look seen from the outside. So I smile. I cashed everything with a smile. My school failures, my meager future prospects, unemployment and despair.
Then everything exploded. The depression was a time bomb. I screamed with rage and pain, clenched my teeth and collapsed.
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